I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
