i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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