I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The adults are the big ones right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
