handjob tips. give me some.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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