hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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