dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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