Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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