I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
