New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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