In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
