I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
