Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
