Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
