I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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