cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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