Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
