Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
