I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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