We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
