HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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