My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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