i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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