I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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