You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize