is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
