i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
