Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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