I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
