idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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