Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
