this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
