I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
