she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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