I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
where does the pee come out of this thing
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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