if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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