i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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