I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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