He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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