Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pants are for mortals
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
