So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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