How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
