once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
