I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
