youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
