as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We are all done wearing pants today
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
last night I used snow as a chaser
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
