Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize