Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
