You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
