For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
