Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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