I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
