I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
