Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
