as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
