i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
