At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
