I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
