yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
