I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
