if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
