Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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