How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I only lived at night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need water and some morals
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Shame is for Republicans.
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