JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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