remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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